Saturday, May 29, 2010

I have been trying - like crazy - for 11 months
to secure financial security; yea, for 17 months.
The 'harder I try the behinder I get."
I just get farther and farther behind.
Man am I tired!

Running The Race

"So then it is not of him that wills
nor he that runs,
but of God
who shows mercy.
Rms. 9
But we think we CAN.
That is our arrogance in refusing
to acknowledge His will.
Oh! Does God have a will?
What do you think?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Merely A Comment

I realize this blog is lost in the obscure realm of multitudes
of blogs, but perhaps one day some one (s) will read it and find
something of value in it for their lives - perhaps not.
At any rate I want to express something of "gentleness".
A term not spoken a lot of in the world I live in. Gentleness
is a "fruit of the Spirit". It is GOD'S nature to be gentle
and it has not been absent from His relationship
with me over the years. I can spout all the doctrine and
truth of GOD'S written Word with all the vehemence and dogma
I want but you and I both know that if gentleness is not in my
expression the listener will not hear me.
It is a characteristic of love to be gentle. And anything
I say or do, without love being the motivator, is harsh, worthless, and makes me nothing. This is taught us by GOD in 1st Corinthians 13.
So I admonish myself to seek the heart of GOD and be filled with His Spirit.
After all what is the point in speaking if it is not to be heard?

Friday, December 11, 2009


There lies within the natural heart of man an insatiable desire to be seen, to be heard, to be cared about, to progress, to accomplish, and to gain. The natural outworking of these desires is greed. Greed will always lead to corruption and oppression for man will seek his needs at others expense. The attempt of man to regulate man is in effect an attempt of man to regulate the natural desires of man's heart. When government steps in and tries to determine what is best it can only do so according to the governing person's own desires and hence can only do so by ultimately oppressing those very same desires in others.
If our free enterprize system is to survive and we are to remain a "FREE" people it will not happen by human power regulating human need.... It will take a change of the natural heart of man - a change which can only come from the Creator of that heart. We all know who that is. GOD. We all won't admit that because the natural heart of man is driven by what can only be labeled as "pride"; pride being the idea that "I can do it myself", "I know what is best." As scripture puts it "Every man did that which was right in his own eyes." And what is right in the eyes of man? That which will best serve himself. Me = pride. Until I truly care that your needs are more important than mine. And until I realize that I am flawed and not capable of determining what is best for myself let alone what is best for you, I can only function by what I think and remain in a state of pride. Self!
GOD has to change the heart of man - NOT man has to regulate the heart of man. Our circumstances are not the issues of life. What is in the heart of man are the issues: What is in the heart dictates what I say what I do, what I think. My actions are the expression of what I believe in my heart. Man believes in his heart that what is best for me is best for everyone. What serves me is what drives me down the road of life. The Creator ONLY can change that and hence the Creator only can fix what ails any society, any individual. Man will continue to try and make life better by what he thinks is "better" and in the process man's resolutions will result in the formation of other problems.

Monday, November 30, 2009


There is not a day that passes
that I do not grieve for your pain.
Not a day passes I do not feel your loss.
Everyday I am reminded of my failure,
your pain, and my inability to undo it.
I knew the day I walked out (1/1/1979)
that you would hurt the rest of your life,
and I would feel your hurt the rest of my life.

I have not, since that day, believed that I
had any right to be happy, nor to take
any pleasure in life. I had been party to
hurting my sons by denying them their father;
and for that, "what rights do I have?" None.

The apologies have been made;
the wounds try to heal;
but so much scarring that the beauty
of life is known only in memory.


It is likely few people read this blog.
It is doubtful few people care for it's content.
It is, however, not doubtful that I find
this blog an outlet for that which burdens
and that which rejoices my heart.

For example I have an opinion of the internet which burdens my mind.
A great form of communication; I dare say that all man's so called
knowledge can be accessed on the internet. All his philosophies,
all his insights, all his academic knowledge, all his scientific knowledge;
Everything this human race has ever produced from it's heart and mind
is no doubt accessible to every human being with a computer.
Is this not great? In deed it is great!
the draw back of that is that every bit of hate, despair, anger, stress,
pain and sorrow; every perversion of the thoughts of man, every corrupt deed,
every anti righteous deed that man has experienced or cast upon another
is also spewed out before the world for all to see.
The question I have, "What is the wisdom in that?"

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Revelation of my heart

It was a revelation when my heart broke and tears flowed in waves down the cheeks of a face drawn with pain. The past had been sorted with deeds around the country - done in the name of the LORD and with a heart for His pleasure to be found in my heart and life; yet, I have reached total lack of understanding as to the course my life has been on.
I know I love my Father in heaven - I know I have pursued the understanding of His heart every day for years, but what is illusive to me is the "why" of my circumstances: Circumstances numerous and varying.
In spite of my love and pursuit and dedication to the relationship of Father and son, I have trodden many a changing path in the hunt for service to Him. If I escape the burden of life having done what pleases Him I will step into those pearly gates with a sense of having run and finished the race that was set before me: BUT, if I come face to face with my LORD and Savior and have not bore all the fruit He had wanted me to, then my head will hang low in deed. Hence, I continue the pathway on which I am set in the hope that finally I have reached the road He pleases me to travel; by His grace never to stray from it, no matter the gates of hell come against me.